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3 Ways Women Business Owners Like Us Can Make New (Local, In-Person) Friends

July 3rd, 2018 | 3 comments

When I first moved out to Connecticut from New York City, I knew my NYC friendships were about to shift. I would now be an hour-and-a-half-drive away and I was married with a daughter, not to mention a growing life coach career.

All of a sudden, my in-person sisterhood friendships felt very far away.

The question we’ll be talking about today for Wake Up Wednesday’s Q&A felt very familiar to me, and I know it will resonate with you, too.

Dropping by to ask the question and jam on it alongside me is Bethany Bubenzer, a yoga-based lifestyle and business mentor in Lexington, KY. She teaches women how to apply the ancient wisdom of yoga to 21st-century life with practicality and style.

Bethany shared…

“I’m deeply craving the company of fellow female entrepreneurs. What are your best tips and practices for creating strong partnerships and lasting collaborations as the new kid in town? What kind of women should I be working with? And what is the best way to build those connections?”

It’s a beautiful, vulnerable question that rings true for so many of us. As women it’s so easy to become isolated, even though we have a strong desire to be in community with other women. Unfortunately, it’s baked into our culture in a lot of ways and I’m actively working to heal this story and sister wound EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE.

It takes courage, self love and the willingness to make connection a priority. And the best part is that as you’re going through major intrinsic changes, your outer world is begging you to surrender and allow a shift to integrate.  

What I mean is: you are going to have to say goodbye to what is no longer serving you, take a risk and nestle into the arms of a new sisterhood.

The three tips I’m sharing today helped me get over the discomfort of being the new kid in town. They also helped me meet one of my best friends and soul sister, Heather! I know they’ll help you, too.

1. Pull out your calendar! Cultivating local friendships takes time and effort.

(Jump to the 2:09 point in the video to hear us dig deep into this.)

Here’s the truth: I absolutely have to block out time on my calendar to connect with new people in my own city, or it will not happen.

All of our lives are full of family, friends, partners, errands, appointments, juggling childcare, a life coach career, and so much more.

You’ll have to ask yourself the hard question: “How important are these potential new friendships to me?” If you’re feeling called to make it a priority, treat reaching out to local friends like it’s an appointment you can’t miss.

I used to have a 2-hour block of time every other Thursday set aside just for reaching out. I texted my friends back in NYC to ask if they knew anyone in my town who I might be a good fit with. I posted on Facebook, describing my perfect friend and asking my Facebook friends to connect us!

Stepping outside my comfort zone worked like a charm! I organized a group dinner for local ladies who I’d been connected with and I met my best friend, Heather.

You can also set goals for yourself around this. For example, you could decide you’re going to give your phone number to one woman each week. You might not be the perfect fit with everyone, but the possibility of making new friends is always worth any bumps in the road. It can be as simple as turning to a woman in your exercise class and saying, “Text me next time you’re coming to this class!”

2. Embrace the idea that you now have worldwide friends.

When you move away from an existing set of personal or life coach career friends, it can be easy to feel like you’ve lost something. I felt that way myself at first. But with all the technology and ways to stay connected today, it’s important to realize you haven’t lost anything at all – your sister circle is just expanding.

You might also want to put a retreat in your calendar this year. Give yourself permission to travel, visit with your business girlfriends, and meet new ones, too. (Hear us expand on this idea at the 8:28 mark in the video.)

3. Ask yourself, “How can I provide value to this person?”

I remember back when I had a feeling our real estate agent and I could be great friends. She was this awesome woo-woo business woman, building her empire! I knew I had some valuable resources that could help her uplevel her marketing and also make it more fun in the process.

I wrote her a quick email essentially saying, “Hey, I love what you’re doing! I thought these resources might support you.” When you skip over those generic “We should get coffee sometime” type of emails and instead do something nice for someone else, you’ll often find that person wants to return the favor. You automatically have a place in her heart because you just made her life easier! (I offer more examples at the 10:30 point in the video.)

Let’s talk about it!

How did these tips resonate with you? Do you have any ideas we’ve missed or that have worked really well for you? We’d love to hear them! Drop your thoughts into the comments below so Bethany and I can read them and respond.

And who knows? You might just find your new best friend in today’s comments! 😉

P.S. Are you intuitively feeling a shift in your industry, your life coach career, and the planet? Like the old patriarchal structures and systems are crumbling down, waiting for something new to take their place?

Then darling, your time has come. It is time for feminine leaders like you to rise up and take hold.

That’s why I’m honored to invite you to join me for one of my Captivating Feminine Leadership Workshops, a 3-part workshop series designed to empower and activate a new age of women leaders, healers, and entrepreneurs.

During this in-person workshop, I’ll give you the tools you need to step forward and usher in this grand shift towards the feminine — for your clients, colleagues, loved ones, and sisters.  You can read all about it and join me right here.

(But if you’re curious, click right now. Because only 20 spots are available for each workshop, and I don’t want you to miss this. <3)

For a sneak peek at the workshop schedule, take a look below:

  • Workshop 1, Captivate (July 14th-15th 2018, Reflections Garden Room, New York City): Heal your fear of being seen and expanding your reach. Grab your ticket.

  • Workshop 2, Feminine Leadership (September 8th – 9th 2018, Venice Beach House, Los Angeles, CA): Learn to lead, love, and run your business from an intuitive, aligned, and visionary model. Grab your ticket.

  • Workshop 3, Leading Groups of Women & Sister Circles (November 10th – 11th 2018, Hawthorn Farm Moonlodge, Medfield, MA): Discover how to prepare intrinsically and learn rituals for holding space for circle work and groups of women. Grab your ticket.

All my love,

Jey
 

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3 people have commented
  1. Oh my goodness, I loved this! I know Bethany!!! And I wish she was still in Charleston! Anyway, I resonated with a lot of this and struggled to cultivate friendships as well for so long. I approached women much like Bethany with this “are you THE ONE???” mentality and that caused me write women off REALLY fast before both giving them a real chance and allowing them the space to not be the one perfect package but instead be A perfect package in themselves, offering me more than I originally gave them credit for. Additionally, I finally got brave enough to CREATE the space for friendship in the form of a monthly girls night at my house and invited everyone I liked (even though many of them didn’t know each other… I had previously been scared of that, fearing they wouldn’t click or that it would be awkward). I have found so much connection now having made these 2 big shifts.

    • Christine I LOVE these reflections and the way you created a girls night at your place. When our beliefs change and we are willing to honor the mess and imperfection it can be so beautiful what we find in other women beyond the judgements. I also believe you then cultivate a real brilliance for the balance between openness and boundaries with other women.

      xoxo
      Jey

  2. This was great to watch. I have an amazing (international) network of support, but I have always experienced a lack of local like-minded/spirited women in my life. I realized while watching this interview that I’ve been carrying around an unexamined belief that that’s “just the way it is”. It never occurred to me to approach this the way I approach any other desire–through conscious, consistent action and intention. It lights up my heart to think that I can have meaningful and fun local connections in my life. Thank you so much!
    P.S. If Bethany is still looking, I may have a great connection for her in Lexington! ♥

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