Success begins with love & mastery in your life first. Sign up to create your soulful morning ritual – it’s FREE!


*You’ll also get our sought after show (including our BRAND NEW PODCAST!) delivered to your inbox each Wednesday. Don’t love it? No worries. You can unsubscribe in a click.

Do You Have What it Takes To Be A Feminine Leader Or Are You Just A Fake?

June 28th, 2016 | 25 comments

I thought I was going to make it this year. I thought I was going to survive my birthday week without having a messy cry. I made it to the eleventh hour and BOOM. Suddenly, as my favorite comedian Dane Cook would say, “I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders.”

Can I take a break from our normal Wake Up Wednesday episodes to just tell you about my birthday week?

It really was a crazy one. Magical rituals, moon ceremonies, a ride in an ambulance with my baby Violet, women vomiting out of a hummer limo on our way to the city, and so much more.

And it’s all coming up…

But first, I want to share with you a beautiful way we can experience connection and cultivate true sisterhood. Even virtually, through the sharing of story and belief on a written blog.

One of my favorite things about cultivating sisterhood with like-minded women is being able to nestle into the arms of an open-hearted circle and share what’s real. And I believe there’s an art to creating this kind of circle in our personal and professional lives.

Before I knew what real sisterhood was, my girlfriends and I would play a silly game. The silly game went a little like this:

I’ll hide from you if I can’t be in an upbeat and cheerful mood, able to laugh about my challenges.

Or, I’ll play weak, act like a victim, and complain so it doesn’t feel awkward when you give me advice I either already know or don’t need.

Learning how to hold space for myself, my sisters and my clients has transformed the way I release, reflect and renew during moments in my life that are challenging. And it has created a massive shift for the women I support in Mentor Masterclass and The Sisterhood Mastermind.

We can practice it together today. And you can see how it feels to be comfortable enough in your body and heart to navigate a deep conversation. My hope is that you’re able to leave any conversation feeling energized, whole and supportive of your friend. You don’t have to have any answers or give any advice.

Using this trick allows all women in moments of challenge, messiness and weakness to feel open hearted, powerful, capable and strong.

The Simple Trick To Navigate Tough Conversations In Sisterhood

All you have to do is be willing to take 100% responsibility for yourself (and your triggers) and simultaneously hold a vision of your sister being strong, capable and worthy of taking 100% responsibility for herself (and her triggers).

If you want to feel even more love and connection while navigating deep conversations, hold this vision. See that even in moments of challenge or confusion your friend/sister/leader/mom has all of the answers she needs. See her as confident, connected, and a clear source of wisdom and power. Even if there is mascara smudged all over her face and she is screaming “I did my best. I did my best and I failed. My life is over.”

If you can hold space in this way, sister, you are co-creating a safe space for women everywhere to share what is real and claim their confident power in the process.

Now that I know you can hold awesome space, I desire to share my week with you.

My Birthday Week In A Nutshell

I want to let you in on the reality of my life as a mom, wife, CEO and leader. And I believe navigating this conversation will allow us both to connect to a deeper sense of what feminine leadership really is and what it can look like.

It was Sunday night, the beginning of my busy week and I’m repeating a conversation I had with a woman I love over and over in my head. The short of the long is she admitted to me that she finds herself reflecting on whether leadership is fake. Specifically, triggered by my leadership. Ouch!

The partnership I have with this woman awards her a very interesting front row seat to everything you think you’d never want one person to have unlimited access to:

  • My personal and business goals (in exquisite detail)

  • Every team meeting (graceful or stressed)

  • When I show up for clients (and when I cancel)

  • Personal emails from my bipolar mother (and my response)

  • My bank accounts

I cry to her about my inner fears and personal challenges. She has access to every call I lead in every program I run. She is live for my biggest events and when I show up to a sold-out webinar with grace and ease. She sees when my clients write raving love letters of gratitude and when we receive angry complaints. She sees the light and shadow. She sees the leader and the messy, tender woman. It’s so vulnerable to choose to have this woman in my life.

And I am grateful for her honest reflection. This is how we communicate. And I know that when she shared this real thought with me, she was doing it because she saw me as strong and capable of hearing this thought and navigating a conversation with her around it.

What I heard her asking was: “There’s so much mess, emotion, weakness, darkness, how can you just show up and have it all together? It can’t be real. You can’t be that broken and that brilliant. Can you?”

And then what I really heard was a simple question and it was time for me to answer it. “Are you a real leader?”

All week I’ve been reflecting on what feminine leadership—the kind I aspire to—really means and if I’m capable of it.

I’ll take you through the days of my week and the thoughts I’ve had throughout.

Monday

The first half of my day was spent leading women through calls. Two hours with 40 women who are becoming life coaches, working on their coaching skills, mastering techniques with real-time, live feedback as I listen to them coach.

Then one hour hosting a guest goddess for 9 women in The Sisterhood Mastermind, to inspire them to come out of their heads and work with their hands to access their creativity.

Next came one hour on a live call receiving support around my speech for the upcoming Captivate Retreat Performance and working through my blocks in figuring out exactly what I want to say and how.

I spent the rest of the day creating a temple in one room in my house to host my Sisterhood Mastermind clients on Wednesday. I was putting together flower bouquets while Violet was eating next to me in her high chair. My sister was next to me and my husband was behind the counter making a smoothie.

We were all within two feet of Violet, and we hear a BOOM! She had wiggled her way out of the highchair and fallen to the hardwood floor. I picked her up in shock and she was limp and crying. After 10 minutes of this limp crying I started to cry and shout, “Something is not right! Something is not right!”

I made the decision to call the ambulance. We took her in the ambulance to the ER and spent five hours monitoring her. Of course, the second we got to the ER she was perky, laughing, moving and fine. She had no bruises or marks, but I was still scared.

That night when we got home she threw up, which concerned us so we stayed up all night watching her. No sleep, but lots of cuddles and gratitude.

Tuesday

I had this day marked off in my calendar to do final shopping for the Mastermind workshop and preparing my circle practices for the day.

Violet was fussy, tired, and clinging to me. So instead of leaving her with my sister for the day they both came along and stayed beside me through all of the creation process: making playlists, shopping for welcome gifts, securing our guest teachers, decorating the temple space, shopping and preparing the food. We did it all in one day! I took a 2 hour break to get a mani-pedi and email all of the girls reminders for our day tomorrow. I troubleshooted a problem they had with their Airbnb by securing them blankets from a friend.

I finally got in bed around 1am—but I woke up every hour to make sure Violet was breathing and sleeping normally.

Wednesday

The Sisterhood Mastermind Phenomenal Renewal Retreat! The women gathered on my patio at 9:45 am we did a beautiful entrance with rose petals, sacred intention, essential oils, and directed focus.

I lead them through a wild day of dance (with our guest Embody teacher Nadia Munla), we strategized (with the support of Jacob Sokol), we cried, we held each other, we released the old patterns and we got clear on exactly what we needed to act on to call in the new.

Then we hopped in a hummer limo to have dinner in the city. We were two hours late to dinner due to NY traffic. They’d given away our table, and while we waited, I asked the hostess where I could plug in my breastpump. I sat in a not-so-private room, boobs exposed, pumping milk to add to the cooler I had brought with me to save Violet’s milk.

We had a beautiful dinner together in a gorgeous venue. On the way home one of my clients Cristin mentioned that the women realized it was my birthday. This was the first moment I realized it was going to be my birthday in 2 days. I had totally forgotten!

The women each read a poem they’d selected that reminded them of me or what they have received in their lives through our work together and my support. I listened, I received, I felt, I cried, I loved.

We were now three hours late coming home due to three accidents and dead-stop traffic, which took me way over retreat budget and way past my very-needed bedtime.

At 1am I crawled in bed with Brent and Violet exhausted, happy, and complete.

Feminine leader at the sisterhood retreat

Thursday

I woke up around 10am and spent the morning with Violet. It was painful to leave her that day. I missed her!

I reviewed the intensive questionnaire I’d received back from my client who was joining me for a VIP full-day intensive. At noon I picked her up and we headed to the farmer’s market together to begin our day. The details of her day are sacred and ended with a dinner out and a moon ceremony to close.

Again I crawled into bed with Brent and Violet exhausted, heart so full and complete.

Friday

I spent the day with Violet, cleaning up the house and catching up with Brent. I enjoyed reading love notes from my clients. Especially this one from Sarah: “Jeannine, witnessing your feminine leadership and holding space for all of us was remarkable. You are truly a mentor and example for my own leadership desires and business dreams.”

Saturday

My Birthday! My husband and I got into an emotional conversation about how I didn’t put enough thought into Father’s Day. We got through it and snuggled. I sent a last-minute text to some friends, went shopping for food to BBQ and we hung out drinking wine and eating burgers on my patio with friends and babies.

Sunday

This was the day I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. And you’ll laugh out loud when you hear how it all came out!

All week I’d felt grounded, present, in motion, capable. Today I was overwhelmed by cooking tacos in time for Brent’s family to come over to celebrate my birthday.

I was so proud my sister and I got all of the food out within 30 minutes of our hungry guests arriving. The best part was I got over my need for beautiful serving dishes and put it all in disposable bins with paper plates. And the tacos looked great!

I put aside a plate for myself while everyone dug in, so i could go upstairs in private to breastfeed Violet. After she was fed, I came back downstairs and went straight for my beautiful plate of tacos. I was so excited to eat!

What tacos taught me about being a feminine leader

My father-in-law took this picture. He said they looked too good not to capture!

And one minute later? I dropped the whole plate on the patio floor. I paused for a minute and said I needed to excuse myself. I went into the house and sat at the bottom of the stairs and started crying my eyes out.

I love tacos. But I’m aware it wasn’t about the tacos. It was the whole week! I needed a moment to acknowledge what a great job I had done.

I sat there on the stairs, in a puddle of my own tears, praising myself for curating a powerful week and holding it all. Then I went outside, made a new plate of tacos and enjoyed every last bite!

What Does Feminine Leadership Mean to You?

I believe we take courses, read blogs, and share our hearts because there is a calling inside us to stop hiding, to stop running from our own power, to embrace it and to finally believe that we can make a difference.

We all run in different forms. A devotion to our feminine leadership is not always going to be an exciting, easy road. Most of the time it means discovering what it means to find your power and strength, and showing up when it feels hard or you don’t want to. To do the thing you least want to do and find a way to make it not only doable, but something that comes from a high vibration and NOT from a space of fear.

I look back on my week and I see what I believe to be a true feminine leader. As I replay my reaction, my interaction, my choices and my inner voice—I am proud.

I feel that I can answer that triggering and truthful question presented by this special woman (and mirror) in my life with a radiant and humble YES. Yes I am a leader. And it is real.

I want to help ignite the flame within every one of you goddesses here today. I want to help you find the guiding lights you can follow to continue expanding your exposure and your influence as a life coach who’s here to make a difference in people’s lives.

I believe even though you’re messy and there is darkness in your life you can still honor your deepest desires, dreams and life journey. By taking care of yourself first, you can be an incredible beacon of light in our world. That is why you are here.

Leaders don’t get to skip the mess. They’re not above it and they can’t avoid it.

Feminine Leadership to me means a woman powerfully standing in her feminine presence and radiance. She’s able to do that regardless of her background and qualifications because she’s divinely qualified to serve humanity with her gifts. She knows and feels it deep in her soul.

You know that yours is the gift of listening, intuition, guidance and studying the life tools and techniques that take people from blind and stuck to clarity, action and confidence.

Feminine Leadership evokes freedom, unity and possibilities. It celebrates everyone. It inspires, empowers and encourages the ability to engage people as sovereign beings.

Feminine Leadership chooses compassion and collaboration over control and competition. It brings heart, soul, joy, love, wisdom and beauty to its purpose.

When women are empowered everyone wins.

Why Do You Think Feminine Leadership Is So Important Right Now?

The world is yearning for women to stand in their power. Old paradigms everywhere are breaking down. Old paradigms like loneliness, competition and struggle. And working hard in jobs that we hate.

I look back on my birthday week and see a woman who is living her dream. A job she loves, a family she adores, supported, successful, acknowledged, a change agent. It’s my dream life and it’s still messy.

The new paradigm is YES I can, and I can do it with ease, with magic, with support, with grace.

The Chinese have a saying that says women carry half the sky.

Having lived for generations in a male-led society, there is a now a global movement of women to carry their half of the sky, for a more balanced society and a sustainable future for the generations to follow. Bella Abzug predicted: In the 21st century, women will change the nature of power instead of power changing the nature of women. Nineteenth-century poet Matthew Arnold believed women can change the world. “If ever the world sees a time when women shall come together purely and simply for the benefit and good of mankind, it will be a power such as the world has never known.”

Feminine leadership is about listening to and following your soul’s calling with a new kind of business model. One that invokes the merging of ambition and ease. Leadership through service.

And so I ask you: Are you a leader? Or are you a fake?

Reflect on your life this past week and allow yourself to sit with a deeper truth. I hold space for you to discover your power in the most unexpected of places. Like on the floor of your stairs with taco stains on your shirt and a tear-drenched smile on your face.

If you desire to share, please do in the comments below

Thank you for holding space for me here to discover my power in this one special week of my life.

In honor of this special time, I’m offering 50% off the half-day Intent To Live 1-on-1 VIP Day if your application is received between now and July 6th. There are 2 spots left this year and I’d love to set aside this time to support you. It’s you and me, plus all your biggest goals and questions, for a time of deep guidance and support in your personal life and coaching business.

Jey
 

Love this content? Get weekly in-the-know solutions and stay connected with Jey

Join 1,000s of women expanding their light around the world.

25 people have commented
  1. Wow! I am always so impressed by you leadership. It is always real and raw and honest and to me that is what leadership is all about. Especially feminine leadership. As a woman, a mom, a CEO myself I understand the messiness that comes with what we do and it is vulnerable to share that messiness because I believe we live in a world where perfection has been praised. But true leadership, to me, shows all of it. This week my leadership looked like laying on my floor wondering what the heck I am doing, visiting the county fair and wondering where am I, taking my kids to the swimming pool everyday because it is so damn hot here, cooking, cleaning, practicing yoga, and then letting all of that out in a big snotty cry in sister circle because I realized I cannot change the world by myself. I love you!

    • I love you Shauna! We got this together. I love your commitment to you sons and your family. I am your biggest ally and cheerleader of leadership through the nurturing of your souls passion for family first and how that will lead to the bigger difference you will make in the world through the extension of your business.

      xoxo
      Jey

  2. Ah tacos… the downfall of many a leader. I love your honesty, Jeannine, I love the heartfelt emotion as you went through the week — the uplifting highs, the scary moments, the mess, the success. I honor your leadership and hold sacred space for you as you shared your blog this week. You said it best — Feminine leadership is about listening to and following your soul’s calling with a new kind of business model. One that invokes the merging of ambition and ease. Leadership through service. I am committed to that leadership through service — and I’m very blessed that you are showing us the way.  

  3. JEY! Happiest birthday week to you, love. I am always so inspired by these “behind-the-scenes” posts about what’s really going on in your life. THAT is true leadership — the vulnerability is palpable, and you’ve also shown me (over the past few years) that not EVERYTHING in our lives has to be perfect, amazing, shiny, or bright all the time — there is space for the messy, the imperfect, the normal stuff… and it’s all beautiful. Feminine leadership to me (which you embody so beautifully) also means showing up fully to the present moment and dancing with whatever life hands you — it’s all lessons, all growth, all training, all preparation for the next thing. The challenges, the tears, and the triumphs all show us how much we’ve grown, and build confidence and evidence that we’re SO ready for whatever comes next. And when we show up so fully, we’re devoted to our own growth and service in a big way, and THAT is true leadership: showing up for yourself first, and for others from a place of devotion and service. This week, my leadership looked like relishing the beautiful moments in California, being a support and light for a friend who was going through something very challenging (and of course being triggered by SO many things, but taking full responsibility for those triggers — which felt like a HUGE success), taking time and space for myself when I knew I was at an edge and needed to recharge, resisting the urge to escape the moment and tune back into the present instead of working the whole time I was supposed to be on vacation, buying gifts of gratitude for clients, having real conversations about the struggle I was feeling around “what am I blocking?” and allowing myself to really feel the frustration and then take responsbility and pull myself out of victim mode, being okay with not knowing so many things, returning home and getting grounded, catching up on sleep without feeling guilty and consciously speaking to myself with kindness and compassion in the moments where I chose sleep over yoga, played with Michelle in CA and laughed more than EVER — unleashed my playful Muse-y goddess side, and received a huge compliment from someone I just met who instantly felt and experienced my power and called me a Goddess in the moment we first met (THAT WAS MY FAVORITE PART, OF COURSE!) 😉 Thank you for this space to reflect, share, celebrate, and love! Love you Jey! You’re amazing and such an inspiring leader, especially in the moments where you don’t “have it together” — AND having it together is just such an illusion and a projection anyway. What does that even mean to “have it together”!? Is it just the pause of certainty before the next cycle of change and impermanence sets in? Right?!!! Okay… I should probably end this comment because it’s teetering on the edge of novel status. 😉 Love you!

    • Thank you Emily for sharing so much of your heart and belief here. It is good to feel you present! Novel Statuses are welcome anytime. I love receiving your words, beliefs, thoughts and ideas.

      xoxo
      Jey

  4. So powerful. I just love seeing you in your messy. It reminds me that my messy is ok, too.

    I believe that it is BECAUSE one is still capable of messy, because she recognizes it for what it really is, because she learns from it, because she translates it into powerful messages and lessons for her tribe, that a woman is a leader. Not one piece of that puzzle can be missing in the form of true heartfelt leadership.

    I’ve told you before and I’ll say it again: Jeanine you show up every day, in all kinds of ways, as a leader, and I see it and appreciate it very much. Thank you for showing us that this path is winding and full of new vistas and horizons. Thank you for holding sacred space for us, your tribe. Thank you for being the best mom to Violet, the best wife to Brent, and the best Jeanine you can be!

  5. Thank you for this vulnerable, beautiful share. I see you living your dreams and inspiring us all to do the same and say yes to our soul. Thank you for your feminine leadership, Jey. You are a beautiful North Star for so many of us!

  6. Jeannine,
    Thank you for always showing me that being in the messiness is okay. That we don’t have to be “perfect” and strong all the time. Thank you for showing these intricacies of your week and demonstrating what feminine leadership really looks like. It’s funny how the littlest things, like tacos falling, can be what causes us to break down and simply observe everything that has been happening. Thank you for this reminder. It’s so true and I know it’s definitely part of my path- the little things that trigger us and bring us into that reflection. For me, the biggest lesson that has emerged for me this week in relationship to being a leader is how do I amplify that which I keep within? I have so many ideas, excitements, feelings, and so often I keep them inside. For me, my learning this week is exploring when I am holding back when I should be shouting, why am I staying small and keeping pieces of me locked in when I want to share them (again going back to the piece you mentioned about taking 100% responsibility for myself- this really resonates with me). This past week has been really inspiring- from swimming in the ocean with my Sisterhood Mastermind sisters, to deep connections with family and friends, to seeking out my passions, to making a vow to myself to start playing in bigger ways, to talking myself out of story mode and stepping into new story mode. Thank you Jeannine for sharing, for always being vulnerable, and for being a model of feminine leadership in every moment. It is in embracing the truth of who we are and what’s real for us that this really comes forth.

    • I felt the truth of who you are so powerfully on retreat last week. I could see your brilliance, your passion, your fire, your soul. It is such a breath of fresh air and an inspiration. I dare you to keep going. I beg you for the sake of all women who long to express these same qualities within themselves! I love you dearly.

      Jey

  7. Beautiful post, Jeannine. I love the way you show up as the feminine leader that you are. I love the way you are open to others’ questions even when they may feel uncomfortable and the way you reflect on them. You embody authentic feminine leadership. What a gift to everyone around you, especially Violet. Thanks for sharing your week and I hope your new year is filled with more blessings than you can even imagine for yourself.

  8. Ooooh myyyy goshh! I’m always taken to a different space after reading your words that seem to flow from your heart into your fingers so effortlessly. Your the epitome of a true captivator… Live or behind the screen. I am in love with how you choose to be so bravely “seen”. This to me is what make you a real ass leader !! The messy AND the good. Most people make an effort to NOT be seen under BOTH scopes. I’m always happy to be apart of this “witnessing” because it sets such an incredible example of FEMININE LEADERSHIP. What’s real for me now and this last week is actually taking steps into the deeper waters and feeling the fear TRY to keep me at bay. With an incredible mentor…. HA !! I’m learning to approach, swim and trend across DEEP waters that I never thought I could cross. Xoxoxo Love you girl.

    • LaMeka it has been such an honor to witness you in navigating those deep waters with trust and perseverance. You’ve got this. And I’m right beside you. Thank you for reading and you always express support!

      xoxo
      Jey

  9. Oh Jey, you are the most eloquent mentor I’ve ever had. As you can see, your story has touched many. You have taught me to become friends with triggers and how to easily and authentically use confrontation as connection. I love you so much!

  10. Thank you for sharing ALL of this Jey – you are a true feminine leader, by showing up and in whatever form you are in! Truth and honesty are of the utmost importance and you are real, if you weren’t I would not be here with you on this journey. We are all vulnerable at times and we all have our messy times, that much is for sure, but that doesn’t stop us from being powerful beings and knowing that we as a community can change the world. I LOVE the quote that you shared – “If ever the world sees a time when women shall come together purely and simply for the benefit and good of mankind, it will be a power such as the world has never known.” – how amazing it is to be a woman and feel and love and care and shine. My own week started with a moment in my sister circle of self doubt, upset that I didn’t ‘fit’ in or feel comfortable… and moved to setting an intention to be kind to myself, to go at my own pace, and to breathe this week. On top of other life commitments I had 3 essays due on the same day in my university course on addictions, man, talk about procrastination! I had intentions of doing all my usual plus getting all of that done, and done well. Oh – did I mention I had a sore throat and head cold most of the week? Needless to say I felt like crawling back into bed on a rainy afternoon and just forgetting about it all – I started thinking to myself who cares if it’s all handed in late! In any case, I read your post here and it inspired me and made me realize that leaders don’t give up, we keep on going, no matter what we have to do, if it doesn’t all get finished as we expected that is okay too. I saw just how crazy busy your week was and I thought – wow! – and I’m worried about getting some reading and essays done? Get on with the show and do it with a smile Ashleigh! As I got into my studies I continued on with my intention or going at my own pace and breathing and what a difference it made in my writing. I took the time to meditate, do yoga, take breaks, play with my dogs, and while I used to think that these things were slowing me down they actually made me more clear headed and things moved along at a relaxing pace and I didn’t feel stressed anymore. All the personal pressure that I put on myself to get it all done and done perfectly went away, what a relief. It is so crazy to see just how important self care really is so that we can show up and get it done. The courses I am taking are interesting and work right alongside with my commitment to being an addictions and lifestyle coach, so not only in getting this done, I felt accomplished, more knowledgeable and proud of myself for moving that one step closer towards my dream. Thank you for showing us that it is okay to cry and let it out and to be our real authentic selves, to me that is true leadership, putting it all out there. With love

  11. I love your honesty – sharing the successes and the messy parts of life. The reminder that as women leaders we have lives that are fully integrated into how we show up as leaders. While I read this several days after you posted it, it is still current, vibrant and inspiring. This last week was filled with ups and downs, walking through fears, wildly creative, periods of quiet time with my husband and restoring my spirit and celebrating the pending birth of my fourth granddaughter. Thank you for holding space for us to be a feminine leaders without giving up our souls.

Your comment...