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How to Change Your Values To Get What You Want in Life

June 20th, 2017 | no comments

My love. Hello! It’s crazy over here, in a good way. How is summer so far for you?

June is full of so many landmarks that it’s hard for me not to think about life in a holistic way. In four days, I turn 33. It’s my birthday, my 5 year wedding anniversary (+ our 10yr “I said YES to being Brent’s gf” celebration), my brother’s college graduation, my younger sister’s birthday and the time I start preparing to lead an in-person retreat for my tribe.


I read something today that my friend Kate Northrup wrote about becoming a mother:

“Becoming a mother changes us irrevocably. Our inner voice gets louder. We get fiercer. Our boundaries become stronger. We get really clear on what matters.”

It really resonated with me. I think about what I want and what’s preventing me from getting it in such a different light since becoming a mom. I feel a fierce fire to take more advantage of the moment and to act fast when it comes to achieving something I desire.  

The two work well together, slowing down and speeding up. Surprise! I never would have thought I could slow down my pace and enjoy every moment more fully, while simultaneously setting bigger goals and achieving things more quickly in my business.

For our most recent Wake Up Wednesday coaching tool, we worked through a useful exercise that’s powerful for both you and your clients. It walked you through finding the answer to the question: “What values are you moving toward in your life?”

If you haven’t gotten a chance to complete that exercise yet, I’d encourage you to do it now! Dig in, and you’ll walk away with a list of your most cherished values – don’t miss this!

Okay, are you all caught up? Because in today’s Wake Up Wednesday coaching tool, we’re working on the next step.

You probably wrote down values that have been conditioned into you by society, your upbringing and other life experiences. Are you sure you’re not on autopilot, and that there aren’t other things you really value in your life, lying dormant within you?

Let’s not stop there. Let’s reexamine your values! Did you know you can consciously change your values today, even radically?  

For example, you could go from someone who values health, nourishment, and stability (especially if you’ve held these values for so long they’ve become part of who you are) and change into someone who values intimacy more than anything – because it’s something that’s been missing from your life for a long time.

This is all possible because you are not your values.

  • You are the thinker of your thoughts, but you’re not the thoughts themselves.

  • Your values are your current compass, but they’re not you.

  • And it’s absolutely possible to consciously change your values. It’s all about choosing and learning to consciously live by your values.

Why would you ever want to change your values?

You might find you want to change your values when you understand and accept where they’re taking you. The things you value now might not enable you to live the very best life for you. Your best life is all of the destinations you most want to reach.

As you read these words you might be saying to yourself, “Actually Jey, what I value most right now is right for me. I don’t want to make any changes. I want to continue to focus on these values and give them the attention they deserve.” And that’s amazing, sister!

But in many cases, your current values won’t be aligned with your best life. Take a moment to get in touch with what this means for you. If you keep living by your current values, you’ll keep getting the same results.

Do you think you’ll be satisfied if you keep following this same course?
  • Will you never experience an intimate relationship because it’s too far down on your values list?

  • Will you never have children?

  • Will you never become wealthy?

  • Will you never develop an energetic physical body?

  • Will you never travel around the world?

  • Will you never truly have fun?

  • Will you never be able to help your favorite cause?

  • Will you never feel that you’re living in complete accordance with your spiritual beliefs?

…What if all these “nevers” could suddenly become possible for you? They can become possible for you when you shift your values.

You don’t need to maintain the same values throughout your entire life.

You can change your values as often as you’d like. I recreate my own values list every 3-6 months. When you change your values list and act on it, you also change your results. This can lead to incredible new experiences and shifts in places you might feel stuck in your life.

What if you changed your top value from, let’s say, health – which you’ve had as a top priority for a long time and now comes naturally to you – to wealth? What if you repositioned those intense workouts a notch or two lower as a priority and instead invested a ton of energy into growing your business and charging for your services?

When you eventually become wealthy, there will come a point where you’re not benefitting nearly as much from having wealth at the top of your priorities list. So then you might shift your top value to compassion. You’ll one day be able to go out and use your healthy, wealthy self to compassionately help others.

See what I mean?

Through this process of constantly shifting your values, you’ve changed from a kale nut, to a trailblazer to a missionary. You’re starting to experience a more full and enriched life! These values have gone from ideas to parts of who you are because you’ve given them each different levels of attention when you’ve needed to.

I’m going to give you a moment to affirm and confirm your top values you’d most like to enrich your life experience and who you want to be. Shift your values around and let new ones become your priority.

Now I’d love to hear from you in the comments:

  • What was your original list of your top 3-5 values?

  • How did the list change when you reexamined it, and recognized you could temporarily shift them?

  • Did you have any “a-ha” moments?

Excited to connect with you in the comments below and in sisterhood,


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