How To Create Your Own Value System To Guide All Your Decisions And Remember Who You Truly Are
What values are you moving toward in your life?
I know, it’s a big question – but figuring out your answers can lead to huge breakthroughs in your life and your life coaching business. This is because:
- Our needs and desires change rapidly and consistently.
- Some values become a part of our DNA and no longer require focus to embody.
- We choose values because we think we should or feel guilt. (That defeats the purpose of defining your values.)
The main benefit of knowing your values is that you gain tremendous clarity and focus. Ultimately you must use that newfound clarity to make consistent decisions and take committed action. So the whole point of discovering your values is to improve the results you get in the areas of your life that are truly most important to you.
In order to do that you need to acknowledge who you have become, focus on the things you value that you aren’t focusing on naturally and define your values from a place of sovereignty.
Values are priorities that tell you how to spend your time, right here, right now.
There are two main reasons priorities are important for our lives:
1. Time is our most limited resource.
It’s non-renewable. Once you spend a day, it’s gone forever. If you spend time focused on priorities that don’t make a difference in your life or business…that’s it, the time is gone and you still feel lost and shitty.
We can make more money, improve our physical bodies, and repair broken relationships, but we cannot experience yesterday ever again.
If we all had unlimited time here on earth, priorities would be irrelevant! But we’re human- it’s logical to invest our time in what brings us joy while we are alive. You’re free to decide what “joy” means to you today, but the very idea that some possible ways of living appeal more than others is pointing you in the direction of your priorities.
And if any version of life is the same as any other to you, values and priorities wouldn’t be important. But I have a feeling that’s not the case, sister!
2. We tend to be inconsistent in how we invest our time and energy.
It’s easy to live by different priorities every day! And so, we do. Because we often go for easy even though what we really crave is Ease. Easy and Ease are NOT the same thing.
One day we exercise, the next day we watch Netflix and eat ice cream. One day you’re committed and focused, the next you’re scattered and flighty. If we don’t use our priorities to determine where we direct our focus each day, we’ll be all over the place. This kind of living yields poor results.
I created a new way to merge our feminine ability to experience shifts in our day-to-day emotions while still hanging on tight to our values and priorities. To feel that motivation while taking committed action.
I like to explain it like this: imagine an airplane went wherever the wind took it. Who knows where it would eventually land and when? The flight itself would feel pretty bumpy and scary, too!
In the same way, consciously knowing and living by our values becomes extremely important. Our values act as a compass to put us back on course, on a smooth flight that has a clear destination. Day after day, we’re moving in a direction that takes us closer and closer to our own definition of the best life we could possibly live. Generally you’ll enjoy increasingly powerful shades of “better” even if you never feel like you reach your best in the areas of life that you focus on.
Many results in life exist on a continuum. There are some discrete entities—like being married or not being married, for instance—but your health, financial status, intimacy, and even level of happiness are generally continuous.
Pause for a moment and take that in, because it’s important you understand that!
It’s so tempting to imagine reaching a concrete goal – this idea that one day we’ll finally be done, because we’ll have that thing we desire most.
But most things gradually get better or worse, so it makes sense that more of what you want is better than not having it at all.
Since we don’t have unlimited time to move through this continuum of better versions of this thing in our life, we usually can’t achieve the state of best. We can’t land our plane just yet – it’s still in flight.
Imagine there are a number of planes in the air, each starting at different locations at various times, and each has a different destination. You can’t plot the same course to land each plane at the same airport.
To use a human example: everyone has a different ideal for their best possible health and everyone’s starting point will be different and very unique. If you want to weigh 150 pounds and you currently weigh 155 pounds, your plane is close to its airport. If you weigh 500 pounds, that plane is much farther away.
You may not be able to land every plane you’d like to in the span of your lifetime, because you probably don’t know how long your life will be, nor do you know how long it will take to land of each of these planes.
Just know that the closer you get each plane to its airport, the better that part of your life will be. Which planes do you want to fly? Which destinations are more important to you?
Let’s begin the process of deciphering your values so we can zero in on the planes you should be paying the most attention to. Which places are a little bit closer to landing, on the other hand, and so require less of your commitment? You might even realize that some of these planes have already landed, while others are still far from their destination and dying to get home.
We’re going to go through a step-by-step method to create your own personal values hierarchy.
This will require your concentrated attention!
Ask yourself: what’s truly important to me in life right now, at this exact moment?
Don’t overwhelm yourself trying to think of the values you have for your entire life. They’ll most likely change! This is the BIGGEST mistake we make when working with values. It’s important to make sure you aren’t working with out-of-date values or values that are not important RIGHT NOW.
Let’s say you value health and you also value hitting your financial goals with your business. If you already think about health, you work out, and you’re educated about healthy eating, chances are you’ve got it covered. Placing financial freedom as your number one value for just the next three months doesn’t mean you don’t care about your health. It just means you want that plane to get closer to it’s destination. You want to experience more joy in that area of your life.
Grab a paper and pen – it’s time to brainstorm! Write down 5 values that are most important to you in your life right now (for this exercise, let’s stick to just the next three months).
Then try to reduce each value down to one word. (For example, if one of your answers is “Having a successful career,” reduce that down to “success” or “abundance.”)
To make it easier for you, here’s a list of values to get you started or spark some ideas:
Next step: Prioritize your list of values.
Don’t worry if you find this is the most time-consuming step of all! I promise, it’s worth it.
Identify your top value, then the second-highest, and so on.
Which of these values is truly the most important to me in my life, right now?
If I could only satisfy one of these values, which one would it be?
Which remaining value is the most important to me?
And so on, until you’ve rebuilt the entire list.
Feeling stuck? Invent a scenario and use it to weigh out the values. For instance, if you’re feeling torn between the values of learning and peace, ask yourself, “Which would I rather do – read a book or meditate?”
Then, go for it – take a few minutes and prioritize your values!
Now it’s time to decide how you’ll put these values into practice and what your list of values says about YOU.
Look at your top three, what life experience will be created by a person living in this order of priority? Is that the life you want, right now? Are these priorities getting you closer to your dream life?
Let’s say your top three values were peace, love and intimacy, while wealth and success were lower. You’re probably the kind of person who would never put career success ahead of your family. So you probably spend a lot of quality time with family.
If it was the other way around and wealth, success and commitment are your top three, you’re probably working more and saving more money.
If you have the value of fun ahead of stability, it might make perfect sense for you to spend more money on a vacation rather than saving those funds.
So ask yourself, do I have peace, love and intimacy covered? Have I been living with these values for so long that they’re just a part of who I am? I’m not the kind of person who would ever let a career come before quality time with my family.
And at the same time, you recognize you really desire to be making more money so you can do fun things with your family and feel less stressed while you’re together.
Maybe by realizing that values don’t have to be set for life, just for the next 3 months, putting wealth as number one is not such a bad idea. In fact, by allowing yourself to admit money is important and that you value it, you might actually make it happen.
This exercise will better equip you to make the best possible decisions.
If a value appears anywhere on your list, you know it’s important to you. Then by thoughtfully prioritizing your values, you’ll be able to rely on this list when you’re making important decisions in the future. Really we can only commit to the top three on our list with energy.
If you know what’s most important to you is inner peace, for instance, it will be that much easier to say no to things that jeopardize that sense of peace that’s most important to you.
So, what did you come up with? What are your values and priorities? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!
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