Listening Intently: Learn The Secret Power All Master Coaches Know

The ability to ACTIVELY listen is one of the most valuable skills you can develop in life – let alone in coaching!

But it doesn’t come naturally to all of us.

Think about it. How often have you thought you were listening carefully to someone… only to realize your mind wandered off and you really heard nothing at all?

There’s no shame in that.  There’s also a reason it happens. Phrases from another person create a connection in our brains, setting off an oh-so-distracting cycle of memories, possibilities, and generally distracting, noisy info.

So – what’s the opposite of that half-tuned level of listening? I’ll tell you when you click play and watch today’s episode.

But what is “active listening” anyway? How does it work, and how can you start to develop that talent?  The International Coach Federation defines it for us:

Active listening is the ability to focus completely on what the client is saying (and NOT saying), to understand the meaning of what is said, and to support the client’s self expression.

That’s a pretty tall order though, right? Trying to help you listen in for what isn’t being expressed, as well as what is?

But it’s completely doable, and actually something you can train yourself to do every time you’re speaking with a client or loved one.  I’ll teach you how in today’s episode.  Click on the video to watch it now.

Active listening is a skill that any coach who has sold-out packages has mastered.  

Most coaches want to dish out advice and give strategic action steps, but very few really understand that one of the most magical aspects of coaching is learning the true skill of quieting your mind and focusing on the energy behind your client’s words.

In fact, it’s the best gift you can give your client because so few people actually listen, and even fewer are willing to call bullshit when what we are saying is moving us further and further away from our own truth.

How often has someone asked you, “How are you doing?” and you say, “Good! I’m just busy.”

When you know deep down that “Good” is not really true.

If they really listened to your tone, your heart, and beyond your shield, they would see that you are really confused, overwhelmed and in need of self care.  

This is the way the best coaches change lives – simply by asking how you are doing, listening in, and following their intuition to the truth that lies beneath your words.  

If you’re ready to start practicing active listening for yourself, watch today’s episode.

Here Are a Few Ways to Practice Active Listening:

(guidelines are based off of NLP Coaching for Dummies)

In order to properly listen, you have to know when to be silent vs. when to assert a comment or question that will help your client see her situation in a different light.

A few key things to listen in for:

1. problems/concerns
2. goals
3. values and beliefs
4. non-verbal clues

But, most importantly, this listening and discussion absolutely MUST be judgement-free. You’re holding your client in a safe space, to help them face their challenges and grow. If they think you’re seeing them in a negative light, you’re going to stifle all progress immediately.

Listening Itself Divides Into Four Levels

(which we discuss in today’s episode):

1. Downloading

This is the lowest level of listening. At this point, you’re saying what you always say in these instances, and sharing your viewpoint without taking in the opinion of the other person. You’re essentially just handing them a statement without thinking about how they’ll receive it.

2. Debating

In this stage, you’re holding space for two people within the interaction. You’re listening to each other, allowing time for discourse, and waiting to respond with a mind that’s absorbing what the other person is saying.

3. Empathy Listening

Open your heart and you’ll reach the third level of listening. This stage allows you to truly embody and explore, on an emotional level, the story the other person is telling you.

This type of listening seriously cranks up the quality of dialogue, and will help you demonstrate a full understanding of the issues your client or discussion partner is facing.

4. Meta Position Listening

This is the “fly on the wall” listening level. You’re tuned in, and watching your client intently, but saying nothing as you stay connected to her words. As you listen, you’re consciously bearing witness to the way your client operates, mind, body, and soul. THIS is the point where you can generate the most effective creative solutions for your clients, because you’re listening beyond words.

Now, I want to hear from you, brilliant active listeners!

Think back to some less-than-fab conversations and meetings you may have had in the last week.

Conversations where you were the listener and blanked out, or you were being listened to, and felt like the person just wasn’t paying attention.

At what level were you or that other person listening to others? What’s your natural state of listening?

Come share with your fellow sisters in the comment section of the blog or in our Wake Up Wednesday Facebook Group.

Love,

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