What Does It Mean To Be “Captivating”? (Captivating Leadership Training, Part 2 of 4)
I’m dressed up today and working from my favorite work space in Westport, CT. I’ve got a cute dress on, a clean face with only mascara, sparkly shoes, clean shiny hair and my new crystal ring on my right hand middle finger. I feel good.
Feeling good inside makes me feel like there is a spotlight shining from within me and out into the world. And other people seem to feel the same, because women keep starting conversations with me today. It’s like they see me from across the room and can’t wait to connect.
I was here yesterday, in my yoga pants, frustrated with my to-do list and distracted by my stinky hair. No one, and I mean no one, spoke a word to me.
I feel captivating today, and it’s not because of the way I look. It’s because of the support I have in my life that allowed me the space to take care of myself today. I used to be stranded in the mindset of the lone warrior. I refused to ask anyone, including the universe, for support. I was stuck in the struggle of power vs. force until something more powerful than me broke through. Support is directly related to your ability to be and feel captivating.
For this very special Wake Up Wednesday, I’m sharing part 2 of my brand-new FREE 4-part training series. It’s a sister-shared devotional practice to create freedom in our lives and exposure in our businesses. We’ll explore simple ways to rise up as Captivating Feminine Leaders together.
In Part 1 we felt into the “why” behind Captivating Feminine Leadership. What does it even mean to be a captivating feminine leader and why is it important in our personal lives and in our businesses? Click here to get caught up on Part 1!
For Part 2 this week, we’ll explore the word “captivating” and how it plays out in your life and business.
Let’s start by asking: what does it mean to be truly captivating?
The actual definition is: to attract or hold attention, by beauty, excellence and enchantment.
What does it mean to you? How do you relate or envision what it means to be captivating?
You are captivating, whether you believe it today or not, sister:
You are naturally beautiful – a unique and exquisite, erotic, innocent, wild woman.
Your excellence comes from devotion and mastery. And you’ve already mastered important parts of your life.
Enchantment is just remembering you’re made of stardust. Remember? You are.
I’ve traveled through layers of understanding to embody what it means to become captivating. Today I’d love for you to hold space for me as I share.
My Journey From Lone Warrior to the First Level of Captivating Feminine Leadership
When I allowed myself to move out of the lone warrior mindset and fully embrace the unknown, I couldn’t believe what unfolded so naturally right in front of me. It started with asking the Universe a simple question and opening my heart to receive support.
“What amazing opportunity will come into my life today with the support of the universe? How can I allow this amazing opportunity to take my business and life to the next level of clarity and success?”
Three weeks later, my life coach training school mentor asked me if I’d like to be interviewed for an article in The New York Times about my quick success as a new coach. One month later, I was featured on the cover story of the Life & Style Section as part of an article that changed my life and my career. I remember feeling stunned by the opportunity and even more caught off-guard by the title of the article, “Should a Life Coach Have a Life First?” Ouch.
Still, I thought this was the universe responding to my call for support. I thought, “THIS IS IT!”
And I’ll never forget how judged and criticized I felt from all the NYT readers who commented on the article. About 40% were nice, but the rest of the commenters were unbelievably mean! They didn’t understand the value of a life coach, my work in the world, or me. I could tell they didn’t speak my language. Life coaching was new and therapists were threatened by the young women who were creating success in a field that competed with their services.
I hadn’t yet discovered the power of sisterhood, and so I felt completely alone. This wasn’t how I’d expected to feel after being featured in The New York Times!
The Challenge: Could I Find Other Women Who Spoke My Language?
I took the advice of my husband, Brent, and set out to turn my pain into a source of power and create community, offline and in-person. At the same time I started to receive phone calls from Warner Brothers and other production companies as well as women around the world who wanted to connect with me and my work. I invested all my money into a conference called Rich, Happy and Hot Live, with Marie Forleo and a mastermind that would allow me to travel the world with 18 other powerful women connected to the coaching industry.
I created sisterhood and support circles of women who understood what I was doing, saw me as a powerful woman and business owner, and reflected back to me what I was capable of. I was able to share my ideas out loud. Through their support, I even began to focus on the gift and opportunities that the universe had indeed delivered me.
My support prayer HAD been answered, just not in the way I thought it should be done.
Fast-forward a few years and I found myself navigating pregnancy and my dreams and plans as a CEO of a wildly growing and expanding company. I felt supported in sisterhood, and to be completely honest, I was still operating under mindsets of separation and lone warrior – just at a higher and more disguised level.
Behind closed doors, I was putting less and less effort into sister time, feeling disappointed by my team dynamic, and feeling very unfamiliar with being in charge of everything and everyone. I had healed for a while and really up-leveled my life as a result of leaning into sisterhood and receiving support. My lone warrior ways and patterns had snuck back in. I believe my soul contract and lesson in this lifetime has a lot to do with understanding what it really means to live a life open and embodied in receptivity.
The Challenge: Believing I really deserved A-game support and that I was capable of leading a child through life and a group of women toward their unique soulful mission.
Why should my sisters and fellow CEO’s care about supporting my biz when they had their own?
To work through this next layer of challenge with receiving support I:
Made a commitment to allow space to be held for me in sisterhood. I started talking to women who could handle all of my truth, about my thoughts, challenges and feelings.
Integrated the practice of trusting in divine timing and the universe as I did years ago, instead of my own ideas about how things should manifest in my life and work.
Created the space to take detours from my plans when it felt right and to let go of things that weren’t serving me. And I learned that showing up to sister circles is just the beginning of integrating sisterhood into your life! It takes more devotion and commitment than that.
Eventually, my journey brought me to a new understanding of what makes me Captivating.
Being captivating is not about powering through and wearing your lone warrior ways like a badge of honor. Captivating is showing up to be led and making connections with other brilliant women. It requires a devotional space to embody: Recognizing yourself and your sisters as integral parts of a whole.
Being Captivating is actually not about the spotlight. This truth is the reason I could no longer lead the Captivate retreat and why I let the Divine lead me to create something new (that was a struggle in itself, which I’ll share later in this training).
So what does it mean to be integral? It’s a different way of recognizing and mastering your personal life, what it means to be captivating, and to understand why being captivating should matter to you in life and business.
Back in my theatre days, every single person was needed in their zone of genius to make each show a reality:
And so much more.
If these parts and roles didn’t work in harmony together, the show was a bust. But if everyone connected, communicated and supported each other and showed up as a genius in their role, then together, we created a masterpiece. It was only then we could captivate the hearts and souls of our audience.
What does it mean to be captivating and connected to feminine leadership?
Space held by a leader who is invoking these values into the shared circle.
Each person shining in her unique role.
Energy circle and commitment match.
Direct and open communication with each other.
Captivating feminine leadership won’t happen when, for example, you try to create magic without a leader. Captivating is at its best when you are part of a community that is being held by an aligned and resourced visionary, with the same vibration you are bringing into the world through your unique zone of genius. (I’ve seen women feel and step into this at the Captivating Feminine Leadership retreat.)
I’ve allowed myself to move out of the position of lead role since being an actress and into the space of both leader and in some cases receiver, making it possible for my women to feel the spotlight shining from within them.
Stepping into the spotlight is really holding hands in circle, letting your light shine out. The light does not come from out there. Your spotlight comes from right inside you. From the connection between your heart, mind and womb that is ignited when you are held in a circle of sisterhood. It’s a light that comes from within and goes out, instead of shining down from above. Can you feel the difference?
Now I see that my role in supporting Captivating Feminine Leaders is not only to be the leader, but also to be connected in circles where I am held by a leader. It is because I am held and supported that I can then go hold and support other women through this transformation.
And how about you? Are you the lead, the lighting designer, the costume designer?
The other challenge for most of us as women is to recognize that the leader is not more powerful or integral than any of the other roles. Every part is equal, every part is integral. I’ve got you, the lighting designer, the costume designer, and all of your cast mates. I’m here to create perfect harmony, allowing you to experience and to shine. And yet, there is no show without YOU. YOU are the star of the show. We all are.
I deeply believe that my work and role is integral to the world – and I know yours is, too.
Mistakes we make that dissociate the integral part of our work.
As coaches and healers, we’re going to make plenty of mistakes.
When we’re out there in the world, we’re bound to make plenty of errors in judgement that dim our light and take away the beauty, the brilliance, the enchantment of our work. When this happens, you can always regroup by asking yourself these questions:
Why are you integral to your family and in your personal life?
Why is your work integral to the world and a part of what makes you a Captivating Feminine Leader?
…These questions changed everything for me when I started to share, truly believe, and embody my unique answers to these questions.
Some mistakes that are all-too-easy to make:
Valuing your mentors’ attention more than your sisters’.
Placing your mentor on a pedestal.
Feeling that if you don’t want to be a leader, then you are less worthy or your work is less valuable.
Not allowing yourself to be in receptivity with mentors without closing your heart to be held and led. Or not allowing yourself to be in receptivity with clients, and instead closing your heart and positioning yourself on a pedestal.
To be Captivating is to remember that you and everyone are an integral part of this circle of sisters.
The time we spend connecting in circle (even our virtual one) is what will elevate us all to heightened levels of embodiment. To new depths of true and potent vibrations of internal and connected feelings of what it means to be captivating. Together we are stronger. Those bonds need space to connect and strengthen.
And so it is, sister. Are you in integrity with these Captivating rituals and commitments? If yes, tell me about your circles of sisterhood and how that has contributed to your experience in the spotlight.
If not, what intention do you want to set for yourself today to make space for this devotion in your life?
I’m here to support and celebrate you in the comments below. Comment and let’s start a captivating sisterhood conversation.
In the coming weeks I’ll be sharing Part 3 of our training where we’ll move forward and discover what it truly means to be a feminine leader, now that you’ve got captivating down! 😉
P.S. Want to see Captivating Feminine Leadership in action? Some of my favorites are current celebrity mentors inside my all-in life coach training program for women who want to become feminine leaders and life coaches, Mentor Masterclass. Come meet them and apply to join us as a part of the program this year, right here.
All my love,
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