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Do You Get Through Life All On Your Own? I Want To Share Another Way To Live. (Mentor Masterclass Grads Share Their Stories)

November 27th, 2018 | 2 comments

I’ve come to know and love these four incredible women over the last few years: Dani, Kristal, Cristin, and Erika are all graduates of Mentor Masterclass (or are still going through the program), and some have gone on to work with me in the Captivating Feminine Leadership Mastermind.

Of course they’re all passionate about growing their coaching businesses, but several more subtle shared themes have also always run through our times together.

There are so many breakthroughs, instances of powerful expertise, emotions, and mindset shifts that happen not just through the curriculum of Mentor Masterclass, but behind the scenes, too. Today I want to bring some of these shared experiences to the forefront and set aside the time to talk about them openly.

Over the years I’ve found I work with women who have a shared conscious or unconscious mindset belief when they enter the program…

Trying to make it as a Lone Warrior is keeping these women stuck.

As they spend more time in the program and in sisterhood, I have the honor of seeing them become aware that the ability to function in their lives as the giver, the problem solver, the nurturer who is fiercely independent has gotten them where they are – but it’s not the resource that will get them to the next level. These women are determined to cultivate lives and businesses full of joy, pleasure, and sustainable success, where they really want to be.

Wearing the Lone Warrior mindset as a badge of honor will only get you so far. You have to embrace what’s next: feminine leadership and sisterhood.

I remember when I finally began to see how limiting my lone warrior mindset had become.

About 7 months into my new life coaching business, I was working like crazy while also diving into an intense life coach training program that I didn’t have the money to pay for. I’d always prided myself on being independent, taking care of myself and paying for everything on my own. (I share this story at the 4:30 mark in the video below. PRESS PLAY!)

Especially after growing up watching my mother struggle with financial independence, I’d promised myself I’d never rely on a man for my success. I’d gotten a job as soon as I could, at age 15, and I’d even paid for my own apartment during high school.

But now I was living with my boyfriend (who became my husband), who had a high-powered lucrative Wall Street job. Meanwhile, I’d been struggling financially with my job as an actress and then as an aspiring coach.

I wanted to be a coach so badly that I let my boyfriend pay for my training program. I’m purposely using the phrase “let him” because it was so, so difficult for me to allow myself to receive his support! I hated admitting I wanted something so much, but didn’t have the means to pay for it myself.

And so I said yes. But I promised him I’d pay him back within one year’s time. And this created a fire in me! I told myself I MUST succeed as a life coach, because I had to pay him back.

Allowing myself to soften and receive his support was a pivotal moment for me. It also kick-started my journey with receptivity, a topic these women and I spoke about just last week.

I started to think of all the friends, family members and colleagues who I’d been there for over the years, and I realized I had always been a coach.

Just because I hadn’t been doing this work professionally, doesn’t mean I hadn’t already served countless women over the years.

For instance, I had one best friend of my own, but I was everyone else’s best friend, the one they came to for advice. And I prided myself on this! At the 8:30 mark in the video, I share about the moment I realized this had become a huge problem. It’s actually impossible to be a successful coach and also be a giver to everyone in your life!

Soon I was so stressed and overworked that I began having dizzy spells. I was forced to look at taking better care of myself if I was going to succeed, yet somehow I’d never been taught this in my coach training. That’s still hard for me to believe.

That year Brent and I were also getting married, which came with lots of great talks about our future and relationship. I remember him saying, “Why can’t you just let me support you? Why can’t you just relax into this comfort we’ve created? I believe in you and I know you can create this business!”

So I relaxed into the intimacy and vulnerability around receiving someone’s support – it felt amazing! I began to think, what if I didn’t have to be there for everyone else in my life all the time? What if I was (consciously or unconsciously) doing things to block other friends and family in my life from supporting me?

Shifting my lone warrior belief system was such a journey into the unknown.

Being there for everyone and relying on only myself was such a strong part of my identity! But slowly I began to see what true sisterhood and support looked like. I began to invite more of it into my life. To keep wearing a “badge of honor” and never asking for support is actually a huge insecurity. And I had to own those limiting beliefs.

The truth is, asking for support takes sovereignty, and it’s what elevates us to the next level! I could feel myself (and my business) grow as I sorted through trusting myself and creating new boundaries for the people in my life who had leaned on me for so long. Those were some hard conversations! I was accused of being a diva, a bitch, spoiled, and some other really negative things. But I knew I had to step into this new mindset if I wanted my business to grow.

It wasn’t long before I’d made back the money my boyfriend had lent me, and I was faced with deciding whether to pay him back or invest in a high-level mastermind all about sisterhood. I knew I needed to do more work with this piece of me that had to be healed.

I knew I couldn’t do it alone – I needed sisterhood!

And so that’s what I chose. I received even more support in that mastermind before I paid him back.

In today’s video I even read aloud some actual text messages from my mom, to share with you just how much my life and relationships have changed since I decided to invite people into my life who wanted to support me, and I stopped being the only source of support for everyone else. (Head over to the 17-minute mark in the video to hear more about this.)

I’m feeling pretty vulnerable right now, but it means a lot to share with you how far I’ve come.

To get where you want to be in your life and business, you do need to be sovereign, trust the boundaries you’ve put in place, and lean on dependable people who can give you the reciprocal, nourishing kind of support you deserve.

Healing the lone warrior and embracing sisterhood has impacted my life so much, and I couldn’t wait to hear from Dani, Kristal, Cristin, and Erika about how this same journey has shown up in their lives.

 

Kristal Sage @coachkristalsage shares how she was raised to have the mentality that anyone who ever wanted to help her was really only using and manipulating her. This led to years of damaging, toxic friendships.

When Kristal enrolled in Mentor Masterclass, the healing process of sisterhood was way outside of her comfort zone – find out what happened to Kristal, her coaching business, and her life. She shares her story at the 32 mark in the video.

If you want to feel into whether healing your own sisterhood wounds through Mentor Masterclass is right for you, consider applying right here.

Dani McDonald @realbeautyuncovered lets us in on her very vulnerable story of the “truth” she’d been taught from childhood: “Nobody will really ever be there for you.” This grew out of the fact that her mother, grandmother, and most of the women in her family had been cheated on by the men in their lives. Infidelity, lies, and unreliable men were a big part of her childhood.

When her dad left her mom, she retreated even deeper into her lone warrior mindset. Then something happened just this past December that changed everything for Dani. She shares exactly what it was at the 38-minute point in the video. This is HUGE!

“There are no victims here. Good or bad, I choose for myself this every day.” Erika Graiff @becoming.luminous.women shares that repeating that thought to herself is what pushed her to embrace sovereignty as student of Mentor Masterclass and as a coach. She admits that before Mentor Masterclass, she had “no frickin’ idea” what personal boundaries even were. So how did she learn – and how did it end up affecting the bottom line in her business? Watch her share it all at the 50:30 mark in the video.

Cristin Zegers @cristinzegers beautifully describes what true healing is at the 1:04 mark in the video. It’s stepping out of day-to-day mindset we’ve created for ourselves – out of the numbness. What if you have a feeling the piece of your story you’ll need to hear (and maybe eventually share) is a little “sticky,” as Cristin puts it? Watch her explain it so perfectly!

 

If you’re ready to write the next chapter of your own story as you launch your coaching business and step into the next phase of your life, apply to Mentor Masterclass right here. There’s a global sisterhood of support waiting for you, where “sticky stories” are welcome!

Even years later in some cases, Kristal, Dani, Erika and Cristin are still tapping into support from women they met their first day of Mentor Masterclass. It’s a powerful tribe of women who understand that when you insist on going through life as a lone warrior, you’re missing out on just how beautiful and rich life can be. As a result, your business suffers.

When you’ve chosen this path, you’ll discover it’s not easy. So much needs to be healed so you can finally do the work you were born to do.

Here is the no-obligation application for Mentor Masterclass. Are you feeling that all-in YES from deep inside? Then it’s time to show up for this powerful level of growth and trust your own intuition – the greatest teacher of all.

All my love,

Jey
 

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2 people have commented
  1. I can’t say enough about this. I remember years ago when I was the sole breadwinner with 3 little kids. My husband worked as a carpenter whenever he “could.” I tried to keep the family going by working extra shifts as a nurse. I actually had a lot of “power” in our relationship because of this. I got really gutsy one afternoon and sat down and talked to him and told him he needed to come up with half the money for our bills. I was so scared. But from that moment on for many years he came up with that money. I had been holding him in a position where I held great power over him. This request created a miracle. It was an equalizer. It was an act of love to allow him the privilege of paying for half of our bills. I no longer had any thing to hold over him. But at the same time it was very hard for me to give up my power of control. I cried. It felt like I was losing a part of myself. But I also had the opportunity to give gratitude to my husband instead of resentment.

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