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“I’m Scared” Was All I Could Say & The Art of Vulnerable Leadership

July 24th, 2013 | no comments

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Wake up its Wednesday and as promised I’m showing up, just not as I had planned.  This morning I woke up at 7am after a sleepless night in the hospital with my hubby.  I was too scared to leave him, so we shared the little bed and cuddled through the night together.

It’s much later in the day now and my office is not the beautiful beach this week.  Today I’m opening up my heart with you, lying next to Brent, in a very tiny bed on the 8th floor of the Hospital.

I just realized we do have an ocean view and I’m breathing in a big breath of gratitude.

Should I Tell The Truth?

There’s a rule that circles around in the coaching industry regarding the art of vulnerable leadership.  Never share when you are in the heat of the disaster.

I thought all day about it and it occurred to me, when have I ever followed the rules?

Also, when I visualize vulnerability I see it skipping somewhere outside of the box and beyond the barriers of my comfort zone.

Then I thought about the women I serve and the coaches in my training program Mentor Masterclass; will my honesty help them to own their power and step into the spotlight? I know vulnerability is the access point to true connection.  We can only connect when we are truly seen.  Being truly seen can be found by dancing with vulnerability.

My inner guide answered back with a big super sassy YES, followed by a few moments of tears and clarity regarding 3 creative resources for pulling through the pain and vulnerability of the unknown, when it comes to losing someone you love, that had just worked miracles for me.  I’m not losing anyone I love this week, but the fear was real and scary.

I’m Scared” Was All I Could Say

I consider myself a strong and resourceful woman.  My record would show I am great at taking care of people and I’ve overcome all kinds of chaos and trauma.

I don’t scare easy, or so I thought.

My job as a Life Coach is to take women through challenging situations with clarity about what they want, simple strategy to make it happen, and a hand to hold while they step into bold action.  I’m a fierce celebration partner when dreams become reality, and this is a regular event with my clients.

Two weeks ago my husband fell off his bike on the way to work.

The reality was he was doing too many things at once and gearing up for a big weekend where he would be featuring his invention for the first time.  He happened to be carrying this invention on his bike on the way to catch the train to work and realized he forgot his wallet.  He spun around to race home in time to get his wallet, to catch the train, while carrying his invention.  Well, the rush caused him to lose control and he decided to save his piece of work before he saved his own body.

A powerful question, what are you saving before saving your own body? Is it worth the trade?

When he text me that he fell, with a picture of his cuts and bruises, I started crying.  It felt like a dramatic reaction, but I knew what this meant.

I believe on the path to our purpose and becoming all of ourselves the universe and our spirit guides will do everything in it’s power to keep us on the right path.

When things like this happen, I believe it’s a time to listen and slow down.  It’s a reminder to check in with gratitude and to be aware of what is possible when you live truly present in your body.  It’s a warning of what exists in the dangerous flow of living from a place of rushing anxiety focused on a future moment.

I knew this was more then a little bike crash on the way to work.  This was about the purpose of his life.

Weeks later that crash has turned into a major scare that has brought us to an overnight stay at the hospital and we are not sure when he gets to come home.

I didn’t feel strong when I found out he was in the ER, I felt scared.  I was worried what lessons the universe had in store and just how far this could go.  For a moment, I was future tripping.

In these moments you have two choices

  1. Freak out and give in to emotional chaos
  2. Tap into the resources you have acquired and trust them fully

The Art of Vulnerable Leadership

There are a few women in Invite to Your Life coaches training who are struggling with the loss of or very sick family members.  They’re courage and my desire to deeply connect with them is the source of my courage for vulnerable leadership today.  They’ve been spending lots of time in hospitals or having to be big girls.

How can you run a coaching business helping people live their best lives when you are scared and fearful or dealing with the last breath of the ones you love?

I am more connected to these girls then ever in this moment and I realize in all my passion for researching living life to the fullest I have valuable resources to share.

The question was, will I choose to get emotionally lost and wild or slow down and follow the lessons I have learned that were created for this very moment?

I followed the lessons and I want to share them with you.

  1. Honor Your Feelings, Be Gentle With Yourself And Reach Out

After I was done being a big girl, notifying family, getting the things together that we would need, I knew it was time to process what I was really feeling and I sent out a message to all of the women in my sister circle with the subject title “I’m Scared”.  Because I am, and that’s okay.  Beyond the fear, is courage.  I sent an email to the women I serve letting them know there would be lots of reschedules this week.  I sent a text to all of my close friends.  Then, I allowed myself to cry.  My first thought was I don’t want to be a big girl, I’m scared and I don’t know if I can handle this.  I said it out loud and I said it to a close friend on the phone.

Let me tell you, women are powerful and so are their intentions.  I asked them to hold an intention of health and love for me.  They all rallied and offered soo much love, relating and resources.

Don’t we love relating girls? The truth is we don’t need anyone to fix things for us; we just need to be fully felt to be able to find our courage in the midst of the storm.

Take care of yourself in the midst of carrying so firmly for others.  Make time for showers, noticing your beauty, feeling good in your clothes and quiet space to nurture and fuel your body.  It’s easy to believe this is selfish, but this is the only way you can be of service at your full capacity.  Be gentle and kind and fully aware of your presence in your body.

After a rough night, I went home for a shower and took time to put on something that made me feel good.

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       2. Trust Your Instincts And Screw The Fear of Rejection

As women we are natural nurturers.  You know what to do, even when you think you don’t.  When you don’t know what to do, it’s because this one is not in your hands.  Some things are bigger then you sister and in the hands of divine timing which you will never be able to control.  Be gentle with yourself.

Rejection keeps us from asking for and enforcing the things that could make a major difference.  Never ever be afraid to ask anything.

And if your husband asks for coffee and you know he needs sleep, water and nutrients.  Just say no and give him what he needs.  That’s literal and a metaphor.  Trust your knowing.  Fight for what is right.  What do you have to lose?

My girls advised me what to get and even though I was afraid he would be upset I asked him to try these things before the coffee.

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       3. Check In With Your Moral Compass

Are you making decisions in the moment based off of what makes you feel guilty and innocent?  This is what most of us have done and will do for our entire lives.  This is the kind of living that keeps you trapped in a web of never experiencing life on your own terms.  This is the fear we live by that is a false belonging.

Beyond guilt and shame is the opportunity to live and love a life experience that is everything.  When I say everything, I mean everything.  Everything, means something different for you then it does for me.

Stop choosing guilt and shame as a resource for weather what you are doing or want to do is right or wrong.  Take 100% control of your relationships and decide the true intention you have for your future.

When you act from there you create a ripple of hope for our world to be one of peace and love.

The patient we are sharing a room with is deaf, like fully deaf.  The nurses come in every hour and somehow feel screaming at him helps him read words better.  Behind groggy eyes I feel myself wanting to strangle them or laugh really hard.

He’s a sweat man, always affirming and thanking their hard work.  I am hearing the words of my mentor “Gather all that emotional fuel and give it a full-on Care Bear Stare into the intended outcome. Breathe deeply into that and fuel the intention you want to fulfill.”

The nurses get a big care bare loving stare.  I wonder if he would be so nice, if he knew they were screaming at him?

So we still have some unknowns here, but that’s okay.  I own the power I do have to bring love and light into the darkness, shine it up and out and live in gratitude for this moment now.

If you would like to explore vulnerability a little deeper with me you can watch the interview I did a couple weeks ago with Coachville here.  And you can join me and Coachville next week for a live call.  Just enter you name and email below and I’ll send you the details.  You’ll also want to follow these steps to make sure my emails make it to your inbox.

Jey
 

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