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Why Relationship Coaching Really Turns Me On

February 13th, 2014 | 6 comments

The way I chose to begin teaching this week may have triggered a few of the women in Mentor Masterclass.

 

This month I’m teaching every coaching tool, technique, conversation model,
meditation and strategy they need to know to master relationship coaching with their clients.

Today I want to invite you to learn one of these tools to use in your own life, even if you are not a coach, to make sure this Valentines Day is full of love making (and not dissatisfied tears).

I got slap happy excited to lead these women in a feminine power meditation to begin class this week and I went full out inviting them to open their hearts and bodies.

These women are fiercely devoted to taking their coaching businesses to the next level and had no idea it would be so intimate.  Some women we’re experiencing their first class with me ever and I think it may have been a surprise.

The feedback was beautiful.

Some of the women were in tears and others admittedly triggered.  One shared with an open heart and began easing into curiosity about why this caused a strong reaction.

Being open, embodied and in tune with your feminine power is at the core of healthy relationships AND a vital aspect of stepping into your role as a thought leader.

I want to invite you to use my favorite coaching resource to support you in opening your heart to your lover (or the one you are calling in).

Get To Know Your Needs Better

Everything we do, we do for six reasons only!

These ideas come from Tony Robbins work which I also like to compare to the Chakra system.smallChakra

 

The core of what we are searching for in our romantic relationships resides in the desire for our partner to meet our 4 human needs beyond anyone or anything else in our lives.

This allows us to move into the higher consciousness and the 2 needs of the spirit.

The only difference between us as humans is which needs we value most, and what we believe has to happen to meet those needs.

The 4 Needs of the Ego

  1. Certainty- Comfort and Control.  The ability to experience pleasure and avoid pain
  1. Variety (Uncertainty)- The need for challenges that will exercise our emotional and physical range.  New experience and unpredictable adventure
  1. Significance- The need to feel special, important, needed and wanted
  1. Love/Connection- The desire to give and receive love to and from other human beings.  (We settle for connection when we see true love as too scary)

 

The 2 Needs of the Spirit

When you find a way to consistently meet the needs of your ego by being awake and conscious in your choices, your inner guide and connection to spirit will begin to enrich your life.  You will begin to see that your story matters, but not in the way you thought it did. You will begin to hear your inner guide. You will start to become obsessed with pursuing the needs of the Spirit.

 

  1. Growth- growing beyond yourself, outside of your fears and limitations.  If you are not growing then you are dying.
  1. Contribution- being truly fulfilled is result of contributing.  It is the meaning to life.  Everything in the universe contributes beyond itself or it is eliminated.

Some people consider the human energetic Chakra system to be “out there” or “woo woo”, and I want to correct that perception. They are the anatomy of our spirit and because of this, they directly relate to, and empower every aspect of our lives.  You can see how closely these mirror the Human Needs as Tony Robbins calls them.

 

How To Use Your New Knowledge

 

Now you know all you really want from your partner is to feel certainty, variety, significance, love & connection.  It’s time to use a more powerful resource for communicating why you are not feeling connected to your growth as a couple and your contribution to the relationship.

You have to teach your partner how to meet your needs.

You have to know what your leading need is and how well your needs over all are being met.

Stop and take a few minutes to go over these questions in your journal NOW:

 

Where are you focusing most of your attention in your life right now?
It is likely one of these 3 areas:
1. Relationships
2. Career
3. Self (Emotional & Physical Health)
Put these life focuses in order from the area you focus on most to the area you are focusing on the least currently in your life.
1.
2.
3.
Identify how well your human needs are being met in each area of your life
(1 symbolizing this need is not being met at all and 10 being totally fulfilled)
My #1 Focus___________________
Love/Connection 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Significance 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Variety 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Certainty 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Growth 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Contribution 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
My #2 Focus____________________
Love/Connection 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Significance 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Variety 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Certainty 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Growth 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Contribution 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
My # 3 Focus____________________
Love/Connection 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Significance 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Variety 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Certainty 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Growth 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Contribution 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Now let’s dig deeper into relationships since it’s Valentines Day tomorrow
Name three ways your partner could meet each need for you.
Ask your partner to name three ways you get better meet his or her needs (you must ask, don’t assume)
Rank your 6 Human Needs in order of significance to you
(Number one being most important).
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Rank your partner’s 6 Needs in order of significance to him or her, number one being most important (again, the needs are Certainty/Comfort, Uncertainty/Variety, Significance, Connection/ Love, Growth, and Contribution).
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
SINGLES ONLY:
What can you discover about the method you used to meet your partner’s needs in the past? How we’re your needs met or not met? What is your fresh standard for gathering needs in relationships? How would you connect your needs to your partner? How would you ask about your partner’s deepest needs in the future?

 

 

You can transform your relationship by understanding and harnessing the power of the 6 Human Needs between you and your partner and finding more powerful ways to meet them.

If you don’t have a partner you can save yourself from choosing the wrong one by looking for a partner who embodies the same leading need as you.

Relationships where you and your partner share the same leading needs are less confusing when it comes to aligned communication and more likely to last as you will understand each other at a core level.

I hope this supports you in heart opening, deeply connected expansion during this month where we all are a little more in tune with passion and partnership.

We dig into these tools and techniques much deeper and you will learn how to use it in sessions with your clients who are feeling off and depressed or close to break up or divorce in Mentor Masterclass.

There are still a few spots left if you would like to dig deeper into this work you can apply here.

Now in the comments below please share the 3 ways you’ve discovered how to do a better job of making sure your human and spirit needs are met in your life.

I also want to know if anything surprised you about this exercise?

Love, Hugs and guilt free chocolate to you sister!

 

P.S

Every month I feature a Celebrity Coach who is rocking it in their life and business to support the women of Mentor Masterclass in gaining exclusive insider solutions.  This month’s featured celebrity mentor is:

Relationship Coach Kavita J. Patel

She has written a very special guest post for the Mentor Masterclass blog revealing her secrets to success in choosing relationship coaching as your niche.

“If you’re thinking about getting into relationship coaching (or are already a relationship coach), here are two of the biggest lessons I have learned…” Read the rest here.

Jey
 

Love this content? Get weekly in-the-know solutions and stay connected with Jey

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6 people have commented
  1. This exercise is so powerful – I just ran through it thinking about past relationships and it gave me so much peace and insight as to why some of them did not work out!!! When one person primarily wants variety (read uncertainty, constant spontaneity, etc) and the other significance, well, it may be tough to make it work, especially if it is not consciously worked on!!! love the idea of applying this to relationship coaching!!

    • Beautiful Terena! It’s incredibly insightful to compare to past relationships. I have had the same enlightening experience. High fives to eye opening insight we can use moving forward!

  2. Powerful exercise Coach Jey! I went though it with my sweetheart and we both knew exactly what the other was going to answer. Even though my need for significance leading to love and connection was a surprise to me, it was no surprise to him 😉 I guess that’s why we work so well.

  3. Learning these human needs was a huge discovery for me. The most surprising is to see that I, and everyone else, need that all of our needs are met at 9 or 10 really!
    This has enabled me to see what I wasn’t satisfied with past relationships whereas I was getting plenty of love & connection but 0growth or little variety for example. And some areas, like certainty where I was denying the needs of my partner.
    Communication is key around this! Thank you for the knowledge that let enables us to do that 🙂

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